Added: Kaileen Dubay - Date: 25.08.2021 13:49 - Views: 44112 - Clicks: 2032
Browse all Get Style. Browse all Get Strong. Browse all Get Social. Browse all Get Skilled. Instead of saying hi and taking part in some small talk, you turn your cart the other direction and do what you can to avoid him. You leave the party feeling like people must have thought you were some kind of weirdo. You pick up the phone to make a call, but your heart starts beating really fast and your mind goes blank.
You hang up and keep putting off that call for the next few months. Do any of those situations sound familiar? Shyness is something that all of us battle from time to time, though some experience it in all social situations. While shyness is completely normal, if not properly managed, it can get in the way of us making new friends, meeting potential romantic partners, advancing our careers, or just getting our basic needs met.
Studies have shown that women almost universally find shyness unattractive in potential romantic partners. And research from the University of Wisconsin at Madison has demonstrated that shy men lag behind their less shy peers when it comes to being offered good jobs, getting married, and having children. If you suffer from ificant shyness, we hope this series will help you troubleshoot and surmount the problem.
The Nature of Shyness The Symptoms and Roots of Shyness Shyness is the discomfort, fear, nervousness, awkwardness, and apprehension that you sometimes experience while interacting with other people.
When people feel shy, they experience a whole host of physiological and psychological symptoms. Their pulse races; their hands get clammy; they feel really hot. They may get silent or start talking super fast because of nerves. On top of that, they get sucked into a self-focused, negative thought pattern in which they believe everyone is judging them and noticing how sweaty or nervous they feel. Feelings of shyness are processed in the brain just like any other primal survival threat. For our ancestors, being shunned and isolated from the protection of their tribe might not have brought about immediate death, but could eventually lead to their demise.
Shyness expert Bernardo J. While they have the desire to socialize, shy people simultaneously think about the often imaginary risk that comes with interacting with others, like social embarrassment or shame, or simply feeling awkward. In the battle between social rewards and risks, risk usually wins in the mind of the shy man, and he ends up avoiding social situations as much as he can. Shyness Is Not Introversion! Introverts are simply people who prefer low socially stimulating environments over the highly social ones favored by extroverts.
An introvert who is not shy has no problem calling a repairman on the phone or asking a woman on a date. While these shy extroverts prefer to be around others and are energized by socializing, they simultaneously feel too anxious or nervous to fulfill this desire, thanks to their shyness. The reason introversion gets lumped together with shyness is that shy people often display similar behavior, such as keeping to themselves or avoiding big social events.
But again, the two groups are operating from different motivations: the introvert avoids the event because he prefers a lower level of social stimulation, while the shy person does so out of anxiety and fear. The other reason introversion is often conflated with shyness is that if a person does wish to be social, but is fearful and anxious about it, they may not Shy guy needs a social life to admit this and see themselves as hesitant and timid. PS: Being an introvert in a culture that prizes extroversion poses its own problems, and we plan on hitting on those in a future post.
The Prevalence of Shyness It is perhaps because the need for a tribe is so universal and deeply-rooted that shyness is extremely common. Even the most extroverted people-person can experience shyness at times.
While they may be the life of the party and feel completely at ease with folks from similar backgrounds as them, if they have the chance to meet some celebrity they admire or want to talk to a person they find attractive, they may find themselves stuttering or drawing blanks as they speak. Some individuals have a pervasive, generalized anxiety of socializing that prevents them from ever feeling comfortable around others. The line between social anxiety and plain shyness is pretty squidgy though, as many of their respective symptoms overlap. Consequently, shyness has been described as a mild and intermittent form of social anxiety.
The Causes of Shyness While the symptoms of shyness may be rooted in our primeval past, what causes one individual to be shyer than another? Shyness or social anxiety is caused by a whole host of biological, environmental, and cognitive factors. Up to perhaps half of our personality is genetically inherited, and some temperaments are more prone to shyness than others.
For example, babies who react more anxiously to new stimuli often grow up to be shy adults.
Neurological differences play a role as well: those with brains that metabolize serotonin too quickly sometimes struggle with shyness, as this neurotransmitter is responsible for making you feel calm, relaxed, and sociable. Environmental factors like your relationship with your parents, your childhood experience of being praised or criticized, how you learned to cope with setbacks, whether you were bullied asand the extent of your opportunities for social experiences can contribute to your shyness too.
That last factor — lack of opportunities for socializing — may be why the of individuals who self-identify as shy has been increasing over the past thirty years. With more and more of our communication being mediated through technology and screens, we no longer get the crucial face-to-face social practice that our parents or grandparents had.
We can bank, get help with our homework, and even shop for food and clothes without ever talking to a person in real life. Social interaction is a perishable skill. Shy and socially anxious people think they will say or do something that will cause embarrassment when interacting with others. This fear of embarrassment triggers the telltale symptoms of shyness like feeling hot, having butterflies in the stomach, or saying things in a halting, stilted way. This in turn triggers an extreme form of self-consciousness and self-awareness in the shy person.
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What You Should Know About Shyness